Marriage

Marriage

Since a bunch of friends have gotten or are getting married this year I found this joke. I thought it was funny enough to post here.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband 7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Code For Sex

Code For Sex

A bloke marries a deaf girl, and on the honeymoon he says to her "we have to have some sort of code.
When I want sex, I will kiss your cheek and stroke your left breast.
You will reply by tugging on my willie once for yes................ and 150 times for no"..

Shitsuey

Shitsuey
A ginger I used to know at college had a bit of a shit problem during a maths lesson. He put his had up to ask the teacher "Can I go to the loo miss" she replied. "No can't you wait till the end of the lesson" she was a bit of a bitch, even for a teacher. Then he said "No I can't miss I have already done it" He ran out of the class and for the rest of the day walked around with the shitty pants in his pocket. He wasn't "Officially" retarded either. Everyone then called him shitsuey. It continues to this day.